Transforming at Age 30
Hello! Wow…I was not expecting to take a 2 month break from social media and this blog! I’m super happy to be back and share what’s being going on over here.
After returning from Peru, in January, my 30th birthday happened and my life kind of flipped upside down. I had to face a lot of tough realities within my relationships, businesses, spiritual beliefs and general direction of how I’m managing myself. I took 2 weeks away from my life to go live with my parents and reevaluate. I spent my 30th birthday crying and not sleeping for about 10 days. It was dark and light all at the same time. I got to know my parents better on an adult level, alone without anyone else around. I spent time revisiting my childhood, walking around the old places I used to hang out. I filled an entire journal and would wake up each morning at 4am just downloading emotions and thoughts that had been blocked up. I did gain perspective on how I wanted to experience life now as a business partner, creative and as a future wife (did not mean to make that sound like a quote from The Room-Ha!).
Do you ever think to yourself, who am I as a powerful person? I was sick of being confident one day and loosing it all the next based on whatever situation arose. It was time for me to build a firm foundation that I could stand upon.
I was in the middle of feeling like I had to leave my whole life behind and start over. I felt like everything in my life was wrong. But really I was the one who was wrong. My actions and beliefs towards all these things were weak and unhealthy. I had become apathetic towards everything and wanted to give up. I have a feeling that’s because I really needed to start showing up in a big way. My natural reaction to tough situations is to retreat, hide and avoid. Then after I’ve hid I’ll come out refreshed and help again. This cycle doesn’t empower me in anyway. I can’t say this will completely change over night but I’m practicing showing up more often. Addressing things when they arise is a skill I’m slowly gaining. Lastly, I had to realize I’ve been in the game of business just to play, not to win. I don’t mean win in competitive sense but more in a sense of finding victory for me and my team.
I’d been trying so hard to help my boyfriend during this freelance transition. It’s been putting crazy pressure on me, between creating 2 new brands, 3 new websites, marketing/social, etc. Trying to show him quoting, invoicing, good email techniques. It hit a point where I was over helping and creating dependency. I didn’t realize this was happening because I thought my helping was creating financial security for us both. News Flash! It wasn’t. When I stepped away for those 2 weeks as painful as it was. Amazing things started to shift in our lives. A very exciting project was born and what looks like his dream 2018 client has come through! This was so great for me to watch unfold, because I had really N-O-T-H-I-N-G to do with it! Well a very small amount 😉 Hallelujah to stepping away and letting God do the work!
I took some time to take care of my body and started doing regular visits to The Joint chiropractor. I can finally sit at my desk for more than a few hours without my feet going numb and my neck killing me. My knee didn’t get fully healed through this process so I’m trying the next thing, physical therapy. I’d like the project this healing into 2018, as I would love to be able to work out again without grinding and pain. I miss my regular workouts as they keep me feeling limber and in good spirits.
Speaking of spirit, I’ve been spending a ton of time trying to figure out what I believe as an adult, I don’t feel this is the time to dig into it, but I hope to the upcoming months.
Other activities that have been helping are daily afternoon walks with Josiah where we *try* and not talk about work. It truly helps clear our heads and reconnects us to the outside world. Playing dominoes has helped with feeling like we’re not just robots working all the time. I love bringing an jovial competitive attitude to board games.
To me, having a jovial spirit that can joke, laugh and realize this is all normal, part of the process that ultimately creates the peaks and valleys in your journey. I like to keep this thought in the front of my mind, we’re here to experience love first and foremost. I believe, all other things fall into place once that value is being honored.
Other big kids stuff: we filed for an LLC for our business. And are in the process of getting an actual business bank account! Yay!
Each day I’m working on being a better version of myself, lately it’s been focused around taking mature action in love.
You may have noticed the re-brand around here, if you’re interested in taking a closer look, see this post!
Thank you for reading, I super appreciate you <3
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